Sta.sh
[The episode starts in gym class. The kids are playing soccer in the gymnasium, and Oscar is among them. He's pretty physically active and he's really going at it]
Coach Donovan: Come on, keep moving. Get those heart rates up!
[Oscar kicks the soccer ball into the opponents' net]
Coach Donovan: Good job Morrison!
Oscar: [Panting] T-thanks coach
[Two kids (Barry & Alex) laugh at Oscar's "sucking up" to the coach. One of them pantomimes kicking up and the other one gets a rather evil grin. Both of them chuckle to themselves]
[We see the game go on and one of those kids is kicking the ball. At first it seems that he's going towards the opponent's' goal, but as he gets closer to Oscar it seems that that's not the case.]
Oscar: Pass it to me!
[The kid does not and when he gets close enough to Oscar, it looks like he revs up an almighty kick and at first it looks like it's going to hit the ball, but then he turns slightly and whams his foot into Oscar's crotch. The animation must make this look as painful as possible]
Barry: [Sarcastically] Oops, my bad
Oscar: [High-pitched] Why would you do that?
[The other kids start laughing at Oscar's voice]
[Oscar barrels over in pain, grasping the affected area. He's eventually laying on the ground, a tear his welling up in his eye]
Coach Donovan: Morrison, are you okay?
Oscar: [Barely a whisper] No-not really
[The coach helps Oscar up, but he winces and collapses again. Kids should still be chuckling]
Coach Donovan: Come on Morrison, man up. It happens to all of us, but we got to get over it.
[Oscar finally gets up, but it's clear that he's still in a lot of pain]
[We see that on the schoolbus Oscar's still in pain. He gets up and walks awkwardly. Some kids on the bus are still laughing at him. Oscar just shrugs it off.]
[Oscar passes by Nathan Whitaker, who is currently watering his lawn]
Nathan: You alright, son?
Oscar: N-no. [He breathes in deeply] Barry Thompson kicked me in the balls during gym class, and it... won't stop hurting. I think it's getting worse.
Nathan: Well, that sucks, but it happens. Play through the pain. I'm sure it'll get better.
Oscar: [Grumbling] Yeah well, if you felt like I did right now, you wouldn't think so.
[We cut to inside with Annabelle reading a magazine.]
Annabelle: Hey Oscar, are you ready to get your homework done?
Oscar: No, I... I'm not feeling too well. I'm going to get some ice and go lay down for awhile
[Oscar walks off screen]
Annabelle: Alright, we'll try for after dinner.
Julie (off-screen): Anna!
[Annabelle gets up and runs off-screen towards the scream]
[Annabelle runs into Julie's room, and she's looking at a cage. In that cage there's a freshly dead hamster named Mr. Snuggles]
Julie: [Scared] Anna... what's going on with Mr. Snuggles?
Anna: [Sympathetically] Oh... it looks like Mr. Snuggles died Julie.
[There's a beat]
Julie: [Relieved] Oh is that all? Mr. Snuggles should be fine by the end of the episode then.
[Annabelle looks confused]
Julie: I mean that's how it works in the movies, right?
Annabelle: Julie, I don't think—
Julie: So, um... do you want to kiss him, or is it going to have to be me?
Annabelle: [Nervous] I'm going to go check up on Oscar now, okay?
[We see Annabelle backing up nervously into the hallway, where Grace bumps into her, not watching where she's going. Grace turns around, but she's still walking out]
Grace: Oh, I am so sorry! I didn't see you!
Annabelle: What's the hurry?
Grace: I got a call from Kurt. He said that Dahlia was in trouble
Annabelle: You've forgiven them?
Grace: No, but it seems urgent. He wouldn't have called me if it wasn't. I'm going to get Ralph and—
Julie (off-screen): Hey do either of you know where I can get a phoenix down? This isn't working!
[We cut to Dahlia's home. Grace and Ralph enter]
Ralph: So, why are we helping Dahlia after what she did?
Grace: Because I'm worried about her
[We see Kurt walk up from the other room]
Kurt: Oh thank God, you guys are here.
Grace: Where's Dahlia?
Kurt: She's sleeping in the other room.
Ralph: Well that's... not too bad.
Kurt: You don't understand, her room was on fire and she was still sleeping. If I didn't see the smoke, the whole place would be in flames right now.
[Grace runs off into Dahlia's room. The boys follow behind her, with Ralph peeking around bashfully. Kurt is just watching Grace. Dahlia is sleeping on the bed. There's a crushed out cigarette on the floor where the fire started]
[Grace tries to shake Dahlia awake]
Grace: Come on Dahl, wake up. Wake up.
Dahlia: [Mumbling] I think I'd like to bathe on the roof.
[Grace outright slaps Dahlia and she still doesn't wake up]
Grace: [Fearful] Ralph c-call 9-
Ralph: Hey, I found these
[Kurt is holding a pill bottle and he tosses it to Grace]
Grace: Fuck, she's on cotton
[She tosses the bottle to Ralph]
Kurt: Prescription painkillers?
Ralph: It says here that they really are prescribed to her. A doctor must have given it to her a couple of months back after the car crash.
Grace: [Angrily] Why aren't you calling 911!? [Back to Dahlia] Come on, wake up!
[Ralph gets right on dialing 911]
[We cut back to the Morrison home where things aren't better. Oscar is pretty much groaning in pain. Jack is there. It's clear that he just got home from work. Anna is looking on ]
Jack: Anna, call 911
Oscar: [In excruciating pain] N-no. Gotta p-play through the pain. I... can do this.
Jack: [Stern] Oscar, we're going to the hospital now.
Oscar: [In excruciating pain] C-coach told me to man up.
[Jack rubs Oscar's hair sympathetically. We see Anna dialing 911]
Jack: Listen to me right now Oscar. Every time someone told me to do that, and I listened, my life was worse for it. Your mother used that on me a lot. Taking your own pain seriously in spite of people or a world that doesn't care doesn't make you less of a man, Oscar.
[We cut to Julie's room]
Julie: [She lifts up a trading card] And I activate my trap card! Monster Relive!
[Julie seems disappointed when the hamster does not come back to life]
[Suddenly the room is filled with the light from red and blue shine all around the room]
Julie: [Shocked] Oh shit. They found my arms base!
[She thinks a minute]
Julie: Oh wait those are ambulance sirens. Oh my god, they found out what's in the basement.
[Annabelle enters through the doorway]
Annabelle: Come on Julie, we've got to go now.
Julie: I swear, whatever the guy says he's lying. He's a terrorist and that was the only way I could stop him from blowing up the moon!
Annabelle: Julie, we don't have time for your games. Oscar is in a lot of pain right now.
Julie: [Shocked and afraid and saddened] Oscar...? What's wrong?
Annabelle: We'll explain it on the way there.
[We cut to a medical room where Dr. Masuri (who is constantly nonchalant). He puts an xray on a light table.]
Dr. Mansuri: Your son had a testicular torsion. You see there. When it happened the school should have brought him here and we might have been able to fix it in time.
Jack: [Flustered] In time!? You mean you can't fix it? Oscar's going to be okay, right?
Dr. Mansuri: Yeah, after we remove the affected testicle, he should be totally fine. We'll put in a prosthetic and everything.
Jack: You're... removing his testicle? And, as his doctor, that doesn't bother you?
Dr. Mansuri: Nah, it's no big deal. I do it all the time. It's pretty much standard operating procedure for testicular cancer. And we do it for prostate cancer too. Need an exam?
Jack: Why doesn't that bother you?
Dr. Mansuri: If I let these operations bother me, then I'd be hesitant to do them as the cancer spread or your son died of gangrene, which is going to happen if I don't get moving. Good day to you...
[Dr. Mansuri walks out of the room, highly dignified.]
[We cut to the waiting room, where Annabelle is listeing to Jack's whisper. Julie is playing around with some of her own toys – chemicals.]
Jack: And the worst part is... they didn't even have time to tell him before they put him under.
[A random woman from the waiting room chuckles]
Annabelle: [In disgust] You think this is funny?
Woman: Kinda sounds like comedy gold. I mean it can't hurt that much, can it?
[Julie looks at her with an evil eye, and then feigns her cute child persona]
Julie: Hey lady... I've been mixing some fruit punches, want to try?
Woman: [She stands up and walks over] Uh... sure, that sounds alright.
[She drinks it, and seconds later she barrels over in pain, as if she was hit in the testicles. She's lying right next to Julie and looking at her in confusion. Julie goes into playing with other toys]
Julie: [Nonchalantly] It kind of feels like that.
Woman: Why would anyone want this?
Julie: Well, you're not supposed to kick them, and if you don't they usually feel fine.
[Grace, Kurt, and Ralph enter the picture]
Grace: I can't believe it. They're just gonna pump her stomach and let her be on her way.
Ralph: Well, there's not much else they can do.
Grace: Why are we even here? They gave Dahlia the medication
[She turns to see her family there]
Grace: Guys? What the hell are you doing here?
Julie: [Straight-faced] Oscar's losing a testicle
Grace: No... really?
[Jack and Annabelle look on sadly, and sympathetically. Grace returns a look that shows she doesn't quite understand]
Jack: From what I can gather, someone in school kicked Oscar in the crotch and they told him to ignore his pain, and he did until he couldn't anymore.
Grace: T-that's horrible. He's going to be alright, right?
Jack: [Looking off to the side] Physically yeah. But he doesn't even know yet. [Trying to get it out of his mind] Why are you here?
Grace: Dahlia had a cotton overdose. When he couldn't wake her up, we brought her here.
Ralph (off-screen): Hey Grace, she's out now!
[Grace comes over, and Dahlia is acting like she's in la la land]
Dahlia: Did I leave the kettle in the zoo?
Grace: [Softly] No Dahlia... no.
Doctor: She'll be loopy for a while, but otherwise she should be fine. Keep an eye on her.
[Grace almost attacks the doctor]
Grace: That's it? After what you bastards did, you're just going to let her go and hope things go well?
Ralph: Woah Grace, calm down.
Doctor: [A bit agitated] First of all, I'm not the doctor who prescribed it to her. Second of all, she was supposed to tell us if she had a history of addiction.
Grace: Right, because addicts never lie.
Doctor: Young lady, we use the medicine that works.
Grace: They say heroin is good at treating the pain too. If you really want to use that argument on me.
Doctor: Please take your friend and leave the hospital, or I'll be forced to call the police. You're making a scene.
[Grace leaves in a huff, with Ralph and Kurt looking on nervously]
Dahlia: And there goes the boom-boom in the candy shoot.
Kurt: I-I'll watch her tonight.
Ralph: And I'll take care of Grace before she does something rash.
[We cut back to Annabelle, Jack, and Julie in the waiting room. Dr. Mansuri comes out. Mansuri seems to be pretty deadpan]
Dr. Mansuri: The surgery went fine, as it could have been. Mr. Morrison, you can talk to your son your son now. I haven't told him anything in case you—
Jack: Nah, it's better if he knows. I'd better go in and tell him.
[Jack gets up and follows Dr. Mansuri inside.]
[We cut to the hospital room, where Oscar is pretty much unsuspecting. This scene is done with no dialogue as Jack explains. We don't see the exact words he uses. The animation focuses on Oscar's changing emotions from disbelief/humor to fear to anger to sadness. It ends with Oscar hugging Jack in fear and sadness]
[We cut to Jack in the principal's office, probably the next day]
Principal Fletcher: Yes I understand, your son can take all the time he needs.
[Coach Donovan enters the room]
Coach Donovan: Yes Principal Fletcher you called me? Who is this?
Principal Fletcher: This is Mr. Morrison, father of Oscar Morrison.
Coach Donovan: [Suppresses a chuckle] Oh I see. How's your boy doing? He had a rough game yesterday.
Jack: So rough it literally put him in the hospital. It was due to your negligence that my son lost a testicle
Coach Donovan: [Snickers] Wait, what?
Principal Fletcher: [Nervously] You're not planning on suing, right? Look, I don't have a problem firing Coach Donovan if it'll make you happy.
Coach Donovan: Hey, you can't do that! I have tenure!
Jack: From what my son tells me you don't treat this matter with the seriousness it deserves.
Coach Donovan: What the hell am I supposed to do? Send a boy to the hospital every time he gets kicked in the crotch? If you haven't noticed, this is middle school
[We gilligan cut to two boys in the hallway]
Kid 1: What's the capital of Thailand?
Kid 2: [Nervously] N-no don't!
[Kid 1 Kicks the crotch of the first kid]
Kid 1: BANG-COCK
[We return to the principal's office]
Coach Donovan: I'll get them to stop growing pimples before I get them to stop kicking each other in the crotch
Jack: You'd better do something
Principal Fletcher: [Praying] Please don't sue. Please don't sue.
Coach Donovan: [Laughing and smiling] What are you going to do? Defame us? Tell us that we made your boy lose one of his balls? He'll be humiliated. [Sarcastically] Maybe I should go and tell everyone exactly what could happen.
Jack: What the hell is wrong with you?
Coach Donovan: That's what being a boy's all about! You get knocks and scrapes all the time. And you might lose a finger or a limb.
[A shadow appears on the window of the principal's office door]
Kid 3: Hey, do you know what my favorite play is? The Nutcracker!
[We hear another kid fall over in pain]
Coach Donovan: And you get hit in the family jewels a bunch.
[We cut to home where Oscar is laying on the couch after surgery. He has the remote and he begins clicking through the channels. The first is an expy of America's funniest home videos]
Announcer 1: And welcome to USA's funniest home videos, and boy do we have a special treat for you today. Because of our overwhelming collection
[We see a compilation of guys getting hit in the crotch, made to look like blooper videos (sports incidents, people landing on fences, etc)]
[Oscar changes the channel. It's a brief episode of a sitcom where a woman, pissed off for some reason, kicks a man in the crotch. The sound effects show cheering. Oscar changes the channel again]
Announcer 2: Try our Peanut N&N's: soft, delicious, and the most satisfying crunch
[Oscar turns off the television]
Oscar: Hey Julie! What are you doing?
[We cut to Julie, pacing back and forth in front of her hamster cage. Her hair is flustered and she looks a mess. She has a crazy-person wall, the kind you'd see in A Beautiful Mind]
Julie: Okay Mr. Snuggles, I think I've got it this time. If I go back in time and restart your heart around the time it starts, you'll be alive again!
[There's a beat]
Julie: But... no! If that's the case I'll have no reason to go back in time!
[Julie slips on some goggles]
Julie: Well, it's time for this again
[She pulls a lever and we see a contraption sparking with electricity, sparking the hamster wheel in the cage. The hamster corpse gets a little electricity, but otherwise it stays dead].
Julie: Damn you! Why won't you live!? I've done everything! I mean Mr. Snuggles, do you know how hard it was to find that genie!? Then again, I should have really known he would have made you a zombie. [Nervous laughter]
[Annabelle enters the room]
Annabelle: Oh Julie, have you been coloring on the walls?
Julie: I've got to figure it out! I've got make Mr. Snuggles alive again!
[Annabelle looks at the fried hamster in the cage]
Annabelle: Oh Mr. Snuggles died huh? Well, I'm sure your father will get you another hamster when he gets back.
Julie: [Indignant] But I don't want another hamster. I want Mr. Snuggles.
[The camera shows Julie's DVD collection, and she motions to that]
Julie: Everything I know says I should be able to bring him back.
Annabelle: You see Julie, in real life... death doesn't work that way.
Julie: [Straight-faced] They brought Tinkerbell back.
[Annabelle thinks for a moment]
Annabelle: I know, I'll bring over one of my favorite movies as a kid: The Lion King.
[We gilligan cut to Julie watching the TV in front of Oscar. We're presumably at the scene with Mufasa's death]
Julie: [Scientific and objective] Oooh, that's how death works. [Beat] I am so getting coal from Santa this year.
[We cut to Grace entering Dahlia's house. As she passes through the driveway, the cars are missing – Dahlia's parent(s) are presumably at work right now].
Grace: Dahlia, I'm here to check up on you, where are you?
[Grace passes by a few paintings that were not there yesterday]
Dahlia: (off-screen) [Creepily happy] Oh hi Grace! I'm in the kitchen!
[Grace enters the kitchen, to find Dahlia painting another one, halfway through it]
Grace: Did you... do all of these today?
Dahlia: Yup, I feel so full of energy and so alive!
[There's a beat]
Grace: Do you remember what happened last night?
Dahlia: [Straight] Did... something happen last night?
Grace: Dahlia, where are the pills?
[Dahlia gets hostile]
Dahlia: I thought you were better than that Grace.
Grace: Dahlia, you OD'd last night, and the next fucking day you're high again. Give me the pills.
Dahlia: Y-you want them for yourself, don't you?
Grace: No. Why would I—
Dahlia: Well you can't have them! I need them. They take away my pain, Grace. They let me do my art.
Grace: Dahlia when I found you last night, I had thought you died.
Dahlia: I took a little too much, that's all. It won't happen again.
Grace: That car crash was months ago, Dahlia. Why are you still taking this stuff?
[Dahlia returns to her painting.]
Dahlia: Shows how much you know, that car crash did some real damage on my spine. I even have the medical records to prove it.
[Grace looks at Dahlia suspiciously, then she gets an idea. She steps over to the back, and shouts at Dahlia specifically to get her attention]
Grace: Oh, here they are
Dahlia: Don't touch them!
[She punches Grace in the face. Grace now has a nosebleed]
Grace: Dahlia, you've got a problem.
[Dahlia looks at herself, shocked. She stares at the hand that has Grace's blood]
Dahlia: I... I... I'm sorry.
Grace: Dahlia, I want to help you. Let me help you, and give me the pills.
[Dahlia opens a cupboard and tosses Grace the pills. Grace flushes them down the toilet of a bathroom adjacent to the kitchen. Dahlia breathes deeply, and then Grace sits down]
[There's an aggravating few seconds]
Dahlia: I'm going to be okay Grace. I think I can handle myself.
[Grace isn't fazed]
Grace: Those weren't the only pills, were they?
[The two of them stay silent for a few seconds]
Grace: You're waiting for me to leave, and the second I do you're going to start taking them again.
Dahlia: M-my pain Grace.
Grace: Pain isn't your problem. Addiction is your problem.
[Dahlia reaches into a potted plant, and she takes the pills she has and pours it down the toilet].
Grace: Don't worry, I'm here for you.
Dahlia: [Almost smugly] You're a good friend Grace.
[We cut to "next Monday" and Oscar is finally ready to go back to school. It's gym class, and he presents a note to Coach Donovan]
Coach Donovan: What's this?
Oscar: A note from my doctor that says I'm supposed to sit out of gym class for the next couple of weeks.
Coach Donovan: [Smugly] Oh okay
[Alex & Barry come up to Oscar, and they seem to be really sinisterly happy]
Barry: [Chuckling to himself] Hey, you're finally back. Did I really break your dick that bad?
Alex: I don't know, maybe we should test it.
[Alex revs up for a kick. Time seems slowed. Oscar looks over to Coach Donovan, and he seems content to do nothing]
Oscar: Stop!
[Alex stops the kick]
Barry: Oh... what's the matter?
[Coach Donovan comes over, still smug]
Coach Donovan: What exactly is going on over here?
Oscar: Alex was about to kick me in the crotch. Are you going to do anything!?
Coach Donovan: [Rolls his eyes] Oh yeah, sorry. Don't kick Oscar in the balls kiddies, last time someone did that he lost one.
[The kids start laughing, like this is the funniest thing on the planet.]
[We gilligan cut to Jack, Coach Donovan, and the principal in the principal’s office. Jack isn’t even acknowledging the principal, he’s looking at Donovan. Donovan looks unphased]
Jack: What. The. Fuck.
Principal Fletcher: Oh crap, he’s going to sue.
Coach Donovan: What was I supposed to do?
Jack: Oh, I don’t know, anything but what you did do. Do you have any idea what my son is going through right now?
[We cut to Oscar walking through the hallway. A lot of kids are laughing at him]
Kid 5: [Mocking] Might want to take up ballet now, right?
[Oscar just shrugs him off angrily]
Kid 5: What’s the matter? Not going to do anything? Oh that’s right, I forgot. You don’t have the balls for it.
[Another kid comes up to Oscar and hands him a gift. She seems to be sympathetic at first]
Kid 6: Hey, don’t worry about him. Look, I got you a gift.
[Oscar opens it up. It’s a tennis ball]
Kid 6: [Laughing] To replace the one you lost!
[Oscar grasps it, and debates throwing it, but he represses his anger and just makes his way through.]
[We cut back to the principal’s office]
Jack: Would you treat a student who lost his finger in shop class the same way?
Principal Fletcher: Um… we don’t have shop class anymore. Too big of a lawsuit risk.
Coach Donovan: What do you want Mr. Morrison? Should I give him the old diatribe of “sticks and stones” and turn even more attention on him. It was gonna come out one way or another.
Jack: Coach Donovan, which student put my son in the hospital?
[We cut to after school. Oscar is just about to start walking towards the bus before he gets a punch to the head by Barry]
Barry: Because of your fucking father I got expelled, Morrison!
[Oscar licks the blood off of his lips]
Oscar: What’s the matter? Don’t got the balls to take it? [He hands Barry the tennis ball] You might need this.
[Barry throws another punch, but the bus door closes and he ends up punching that. Instead. Oscar doesn’t even give a smile. He just looks at Barry with contempt]
[We cut to Grace entering Dahlia’s house again to find her passed out. Grace looks scared, desperate, and angry]
Grace: Dahlia, not again.
[She shakes Dahlia awake]
Dahlia: [Groggy] Grace, w-why are you here?
Grace: To check up on you. You’re back on the cotton.
Dahlia: I tried Grace… I really did.
[Grace looks to see Dahlia’s purse tipped over. Inside there are various prescriptions]
Grace: [Angrily] Yeah, tried to get as many pills as possible. These prescriptions are from three different doctors. Weston Hospital. You went all the way to Weston to get another prescription?
Dahlia: Are you gonna throw my pills out again?
Grace: W-what’s the point? I throw them out and you’ll just get more. Kurt says he’s missing like 200 dollars. And I think I know where it might have gone.
Dahlia: Kurt’s a liar. I only took like 150.
Grace: You’re 17 Dahlia, and you’re throwing your life away on this shit. They call it hillbilly heroin for a reason.
Dahlia: [Angrily] Don’t give me that holier than thou bullshit. I mean, I finally find a way to get high--get happy--without running into problems with the cops, and you’re the one who tries to get me down. You’re such a fucking hypocrite. You’ve done everything I’ve done.
[Grace looks over to the cigarette burns]
Grace: Not everything Dahlia. I’ve never manipulated doctors into writing me prescriptions. I’ve never stolen to fuel an addiction. I’ve never put my life in danger to chase some kind of high.
Dahlia: Well what the fuck am I supposed to do then? My mom’s never home. Hell only knows where my dad’s run off to. There’s no way I’m gonna graduate. [Dahlia drops into tears] Grace, I don’t have a life to throw away.
[They hug for a moment and it seems heartwarming, until Grace catches Dahlia’s hand trying to reach into her pocket. Grace lifts up the hand with her wallet in it. Grace is highly disappointed]
Grace: And it seems like you’ve given up on everything, but the drugs. You know what, take the money. It’s not even important. You’ll use it up on your next high and then what? You’re running out of friends to rob Dahlia.
Dahlia: I… need this.
Grace: You need rehab. I’m leaving Dahlia, and I’m not coming back.
Dahlia: You’re going to just… abandon me?
Grace: Why not? You’ve already decided that you’re worth abandoning.
[Grace walks out and lets Dahlia stay in the darkness]
[We cut to the Morrison household. Julie is on the floor working away at what seems like a robot hamster in the background. Oscar is just laying around on the couch, thinking things through. Annabelle comes by]
Annabelle: I… couldn’t imagine what you’re going through?
Oscar: [Sarcastically] What gives you that idea?
Annabelle: Look, I know you don’t like me very much, but I’m trying to lend you some sympathy. I’m no stranger to bullying myself.
Oscar: Try me. You know what some of those kids said about me. What the coach said about me.
Annabelle: I know, and you’re no less of a man for--
Oscar: [Deadpan] There. That’s it. Why do you think that that’s what this is about?
Annabelle: [Tongue-tied] Because you… lost…
Oscar: That’s what I can’t stand. If I told anyone that this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, they’d think I was insecure about my manhood. I’m tired of everyone thinking this is some kind of joke. Even the people who are “sympathetic” to me think I’m that petty.
[Oscar gets up and heads towards his room]
Annabelle: Was this the worst thing that ever happened to you?
Oscar: [Without even turning] No.
Julie: There! I’ve invented a new Mr. Snuggles! He’ll never break down and we can be together for thousands and thousands of years!
[We cut to outside. Grace is smoking a joint, outside the Morrison household. Ralph walks up]
Ralph: Grace, what the fuck are you doing? Do you know what’ll happen if the cops see you?
Grace: [Turns to him] Why should I care?
[Ralph sits down next to Grace]
Ralph: [Looks nervously back and forth] Is there something you want to talk about, Grace?
Grace: Dahlia has been smoking pot since she was 13 years old, could start and stop at any time. It’s illegal. The first drugs she’s allowed to have by law, she gets hooked and her life spirals out of control.
Ralph: Like her life was “in control” to begin with.
Grace: When my mother was around she was drunk so often. And there was jackshit the law would do about. The entire system is so fucking broken. Give me one reason why I should respect any of these drug laws.
Ralph: [Still nervous] Because you’ll go to jail if a cop sees you.
[Grace, unimpressed, tosses it across the street]
Grace: Happy? I have such little respect for all of this. [Not too seriously] I’m thinking of becoming an anarchist.
Ralph: Good luck getting elected. Grace, the law isn’t perfect. This is why we’re allowed to vote, or will be in a couple of years.
Grace: Politicians are like sperm. Only one in few million turns out to be human, and it could only happen in an environment they were placed in by chance.
Ralph: So, you’re just going to give up? Just like that? Just like Dahlia?
[Grace looks at Ralph intensely]
Grace: Why do you have to say things like that? Things that make me think?
Ralph: I have a gift. This isn’t about the law though. It’s about Dahlia.
Grace: Seeing her OD’d like that… made me realize that I don’t want to lose her.
Ralph: That’s not it at all. It’s not that you’re afraid of losing her. You want to fix her. And Grace, you can’t. The problem with addicts is that it doesn’t matter if you want them to get better, no matter who you are. They have to be the ones who want to get better. You can’t make that commitment for them.
Grace: Do you think that Dahlia will get to that point?
Ralph: I think you’ll know when and if that happens. You’ll be the first person she tells.
Grace: I think you’re right. Now I gotta go see if my brother is okay.
[We cut to Oscar in homeroom the next day, there’s an announcement on the intercom]
Principal Fletcher: This is an announcement that we have expelled a Mr. Barry Saddler. He caused a permanent injury to another student. From this point on, any student engaging in crotch-kicking will be suspended for three days
[As soon as the principal says “crotch-kicking” the students start laughing. They continue to chuckle at Oscar himself]
Principal Fletcher: And furthermore we will be having an assembly today shedding some light on the problem.
Kid 7: Oh, so the assembly is about shedding light on Oscar’s testicle.
[The entire class bursts into more laughter]
[Oscar puts his head down in shame. We transition to the assembly where Oscar is trying to make himself small in the assembly during the gymnasium]
Coach Donovan: [Straight-faced] Students, we’ve gathered you all here today for a very serious [he chuckles] topic. We’re here to talk about taking [breaks into laughter] testicular pain seriously.
[He laughs, the student-body laughs. We see Oscar getting a little bit more outraged, and looking more ready to stand and stand up for himself.]
Coach Donovan: [Offhandedly] Couldn’t read that with a straight-face
Oscar: Then let me do it for you
[The entire student body goes silent. Oscar walks up to the stage, there are some eyes on him, but it’s entirely ambience. He finally gets up to the stage]
Coach Donovan: Has the little boy who broke a ball finally become a man again?
[Oscar just eyes him with contempt, and takes the stand. He looks at the paper for a moment or two, and then crumples it up]
Oscar: What’s the most painful thing that’s ever happened to you?
[Before the audience can even react, he points to a kid in the front row]
Oscar: You.
Kid 7: I um… I was running on ice, and I broke my leg.
Oscar: What happened afterwards?
Kid 7: Well, my parents took me to the hospital
Oscar: Right away?
[Kid 7 nods]
Oscar: And I bet your friends all got to sign your cast too?
[There’s a beat]
Oscar: That’s good. That’s what’s supposed to happen when you get an injury.
[There’s a beat]
Oscar: Now imagine if someone intentionally broke your leg because they thought it was funny. The people watching you didn’t think it was a problem, and the operation required to fix it and [He turns towards the coach] SAVE YOUR LIFE made everyone make fun of you. How would you feel?
Kid 7: I… I don’t know.
Oscar: This is what happened to me, because what happened to break was on the most painful part of my body. You treated me like a walking joke. Why?
[We look down at Coach Donovan, who is quite upset, and frantically talking to the principal]
Coach Donovan: Why are you letting this go on?
Principal Fletcher: To be totally honest, he has only half the balls, but he’ll be twice the man you’ll ever be.
[We cut back to Oscar]
Oscar: You keep laughing, but it could have happened to any other boy in this room. Who knows, it might happen in the future. If what my doctor tells me is true, it could even happen in your sleep.
[There’s a sense of paranoia in the audience, and there are some chuckles here and there]
Oscar: Ha ha, you think I’m joking. Then again, maybe if the school actually taught us these things in health class I might still have my testicle.
[The principal looks really guilty]
Principal Fletcher: We are so getting sued.
Oscar: No, instead coach tells me to “man up” and of all ironies, it needs to get removed. You see, I know what the word irony means because the school thought it was more important to teach me that than proper health care.
Principal Fletcher: Definitely getting sued.
[Oscar turns to his coach]
Oscar: Hey coach, tell me, if I “pussied out” and actually did something about my own pain would I be less of a man? Or would I be less of a man for not doing anything and losing a testicle?
Coach Donovan: I… uh…
Oscar: Because that’s the situation you put me in. There’s nothing wrong with caring about your own pain. And if someone tries to stop you, make them listen.
Coach Donovan: Look, I teach gym and I run sports and I can’t have my students or my athletes run off every two seconds crying like little babies.
Athlete: What about the headache you told me to ignore, coach? You know, the one that turned out to be a concussion?
[The coach starts sweating as the audience has turned against him]
Coach Donovan: Look, we can’t put safety pads on everything. Do you want me to kiss your boo-boos too?
Oscar: I can’t win with you coach, can I? I took my injury “like a man.” I took my surgery “like a man.” I even took my bullying “like a man,” and the only time you don’t want me to “be a man” is when it comes to standing up to you.
Coach Donovan: [Whispers to the principal] Why aren’t you stopping this?
Principal Fletcher: There’s absolutely no way I could stop a lawsuit at this point, so there’s not much I can do but wait for this to all blow over.
Oscar: Then again, this isn’t about “being a man.” Every kid I’ve come across has bullied me for something terrible that happened to me, boy and girl. Tell me, you there, what’s funny about having your finger cut off?
Kid 8: N-nothing.
Oscar: Then what’s funny about having my testicle removed?
Kid 8: Nothing.
Oscar: Exactly.
[We get an ending scene that shows some of the results of said episode, probably played over some music. Coach Donovan gets fired. The principal is on the phone, probably with angry sue-happy parents. Oscar seems to still be slightly bullied, even as time goes on. Then we see another boy thanking Oscar, presumably because he also had a testicular torsion and was able to go to the operating room in time. Dahlia comes to Grace, tearful and sorrowful. The episode ends with them in front of Weston Rehab Clinic, with Grace helping Dahlia inside]
Dahlia: It’s going to be a hard road, isn’t it?
Grace: The first step is always the hardest.
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So, I originally wasn't going to post any episodes except for the pilot, but I thought better of it. I'll be post this episode because it's more inline with the other 11 actual episodes. And it also shows off what kind of animation I'll be needing for this show, if someone wants to help me with this. Another reason I'm posting this is because I don't exactly have any consultants who fit very specific criteria (reliable feedback by someone who knows writing/animation and someone who isn't afraid of my opinion, even if they have a different one than me).
This is episode 5 by the way. The pilot is episode 0. Ironically enough, this was probably the... easiest episode for me to write? This was the easiest topic for me to tackle (it's the only one where I probably won't have to tick the "ideologically sensitive" button). Remember, this is a deconstruction show. If you ask "is this supposed to be funny?" chances are, the answer is "no." I was... am... really nervous to have this posted.
Eh, if you read my memoir, you already know what happens in it.
Today, we're deconstructing these cliches:
1.) Groin Attack
2.) Disney Death
3.) Functional Addict
Specs:
Time: 22 Minutes
Audience: Adult/TV-14
Genre: Comedy Sitcom; Deconstruction
This is episode 5 by the way. The pilot is episode 0. Ironically enough, this was probably the... easiest episode for me to write? This was the easiest topic for me to tackle (it's the only one where I probably won't have to tick the "ideologically sensitive" button). Remember, this is a deconstruction show. If you ask "is this supposed to be funny?" chances are, the answer is "no." I was... am... really nervous to have this posted.
Eh, if you read my memoir, you already know what happens in it.Today, we're deconstructing these cliches:
1.) Groin Attack
2.) Disney Death
3.) Functional Addict
Specs:
Time: 22 Minutes
Audience: Adult/TV-14
Genre: Comedy Sitcom; Deconstruction
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:origin()/pre08/7e94/th/pre/f/2016/061/d/4/i_m_fed_up_with_this_wurld_by_mrenter-d9tqg16.png)
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:origin()/pre04/efca/th/pre/f/2015/151/c/a/the_mysterious_mr__enter_by_strabius-d8vk3h2.png)
:origin()/pre06/1fb6/th/pre/f/2015/027/9/1/mr__enter_motivational_1_by_jeremyx2000-d8fonm9.png)
:origin()/pre08/761a/th/pre/i/2015/044/e/8/kids_designs_2_by_animatedbeing-d8hwk46.png)
In defense of Nathan Whitaker, he didn't know how long ago exactly was the gym class. Usually hits to the Balls recover in seconds, though, but I don't think Whitaker was paying much attention. Still, I wish you'd make him a tad bit more sympathetic or wise, if he weren't, it'd make no sense for Oscar to follow the advice.
In Fact, I'm still only at the part where the Doctor says he's removing the testicle and, until now, there have only ben like 3 jokes in this. This would be what I'd see from you in an Atrocity Review.
"Announcer 2: Try our Peanut N&N's: soft, delicious, and the most satisfying crunch"
In the real world, unless this were in a news article or in a fictional world, either case, distant from ourselves, no one would laugh. A guy has his legs severed off in Battle of the Five Armies, coolio. Real life, "Oh shit!"Someone falls off a building in the Simpsons, lol, real life, DON'T JUMP! IT'S NOT WORTH IT!
Not to mention if you want to criticize human tendencies like these, you gotta make her relatable. She sounds like a psychopath. That no normal human would imitate. Therefore we can't relate with her and laughing at the kid in surgery is a trait, not inheritly human, but specific for few, maybe only, fictional/hypothetical people.
Also, what Julie does sounds like a Mary Sue in a Fanfiction, 2gritty4me.
Still none of this has been funny, only painful. No one likes depression quests unless there's some ocasional breaks from it or personal investment for the character.
EDIT: Read the Principal Office scene. WHY WOULD HE SNICKER after he learned his teacher's pet LOST a TESTICLE. EVERY MAN I KNOW Sympathizes with that. Some women don't and that's semi-understandable, but between men, it's a common code of honor and respect. We'd stop the battle in the middle of a Warzone, if some guy's testicle got shot off.
But, from that part forward, it becomes much less depressing and easier to swallow, the number of jokes are higher and I'm liking it.
There's only one character I can actually imagine vividly, and that's the principal. I imagine him looking like an average height man with slight overweight body type, and a sort of handlebar moustache that spikes upward-diagonally in a cartoonish length (nowhere near Yosemite Sam size, but long enough each side is past his head), and a hair style like Es Cade's from Pokémon Coliseum, and he has an American version of the proper British man's voice you see as a stereotype (not the goofy one, the more serious one with a deeper voice and a faint blubber when he uses the letter b).
Below are my thoughts.
### Intro ###
While it does introduce the themes of the episode I feel the episode jumps back and forth between characters too much. First the viewer follows Oscar, then Annabelle and Julie, then Ralph and Grace, then back to Oscar. I'd recommend having the story follow Oscar until he gets home, have him briefly talk to Annabelle, have Oscar talk to Grace instead of Annabelle, then the part with Grace and Ralph, then back to Oscar. This will allow the story to focus more on the main characters and plots of this episode.
The part about Julie and her hamster can be moved later. For example after Annabelle calls the ambulance Julie can talk to her about the hamster, Julie can try to revive the hamster, the blue and red lights appear, then Annabelle gets Julie.
### Part 1 ###
I liked how the doctor acted as it made his nonchalant personality very clear. Julie's treatment of the woman who laughed was also good.
Having the two plots converge in the hospital is good as it makes it possible for merge into one plot without it feeling contrived. It could also have been used to have the other character gets involved with Grace's plot.
I felt that Grace was unfairly blaming the doctor but I also felt she was lashing out at someone because she was angry. As long as you don't make it seem like the doctor is bad guy this should be fine, since he wasn't responsible for this.
The conversation between the principle, coach, and Jack was a good mixture of seriousness and comedy.
### Part 2 ###
The scene with Oscar being on the couch was good. As was the parts with Julie and Annabelle.
Unsure about the part with Grace and Dahlia. If Dahlia is actually in pain and still needs these pills then getting rid of them isn't a good idea, as the message you're sending out is 'Don't take prescription medication even if you're in pain because drugs are bad'.
I'd recommend changing it to the following:
1) If Dahlia is lying about needing this medicine I'd recommend adding a line where Grace she makes it clear that Dahlia doesn't need the pills for a medical reason (such as pain relief) and is only taking them because she enjoys the buzz.
2) If Dahlia is still in pain then have Grace recommend Dahlia either takes the pills responsibly, or encourages her to switch to a pain killer that is less addicted or can't be used to get high.
### Part 3 ###
What Coach Donovan did and how the kids responded was how you'd expect them to respond. You could also turn Barry into a hooligan to show what happens to children who have been expelled and cannot join another school.
The part about Dahlia seemed a realistic portrayal of the problems of being an addict.
How is Ralph able to walk up to Grace? Did he go through or around the Morrison house? As Jack has young child and seems to care about his family it seems odd that he would let Ralph do this.
Why is Ralph surprised / worried that Grace is smoking a joint? Is she smoking it outside the front of her house? Also is Ralph meant to be more law abiding that his friends?
The thing about Grace being an anarchist seemed like another example of her lashing out at everyone because she's upset about something. I'm not saying this is a bad thing in small doses but it can make the character annoying or one dimensional if it's done too much.
### Ending ###
I feel that Oscar is able to end his arc well.
I feel that the resolution to the Grace-Dahlia arc was sudden. You could have this arc end with the Ralph-Grace talk and in a later episode have Dahlia wanting to go into rehab and Grace helping her. You don't need to fix everything in the episode it's mentioned. For complex problems I'd recommend showing the problem growing over several episodes and being slowly resolved.
### Overall ###
## Plot 1 ##
Oscar had a good arc about a serious issue.
Annabelle doesn't really do anything in this episode and doesn't seem to have much personality. I felt she only existed because the plot needed someone to do something (call an ambulance, talk to Oscar or Julie), rather than because she was a character in the story. Also why is she always in the Morrison house? Does she live there? Does she look after Julie while Jack is at work?
Jack was supportive of his son and seemed like a caring father.
Julie does provide some comic relief but everything she does could be cut from the plot without affecting it in any way. Personally I feel that she should be cut to focus more on the actual issues.
Coach Donovan: if in earlier episodes he seems indifferent to the pain his students are in this would be great foreshadowing for this episode.
Principal Fletcher: if he's always worried about being sued then this could be a running joke. If the school was sued in a previous episode then his fears will seem more justified.
## Plot 2 ##
Grace has a clear personality but seemed to be involved in an unrelated plot to everyone else. Other than a few lines of dialogue at the start and in the hospital she didn't interact with the Morrison family. In this episode you could have made her into Annabelle's friend/daughter/sister, rather than Oscar's sister, and her interactions with the family would have had the same emotional depth. Based on this episode I'd recommend combining Grace and Annabelle into one character as this would give Annabelle more personality and Grace more family interactions.
Dahlia's addiction was a little confusing. I'd recommend making it clearer whether she's actually in pain or not. Also having the poor school performance, the car crash, and prescription medicine in earlier episode(s) would be a great way to foreshadow this episode.
Kurt appears briefly then just disappears. Early on he mentions noticing Dahlia's room is on fire so is he meant to be living with her? If so why is he absent when Grace visits?
Ralph seems supportive but his reaction to Grace smoking a joint seems out of place. Especially since he didn't condemn Dahlia for her drug use.
Regarding animation Extra Credit made a video about animating games. While making things in flash is different there may be some useful information in this video.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQGaoj…
I don't want to nitpick with all the in-depth analyses that have already been posted, but Anna was the first person Julie talked to about this, so having her act in this line as though she's just learned about this death doesn't make much sense. The rest of the script seemed good, I'm already finding myself enjoying these characters and the stories being told seem to at least try to stick to the standards you usually hold other creations to. As others have said, a little rough around the edges with typos and the like, but that's to be expected with something this size so I'd not be too worried about it.
This was extremely interesting, insightful, and entertaining.
From what I've seen, I hope this sees the light of day. In some form, at least, like an Internet series.
One thing I can definitely say, though...when this series actually comes out, it will be polarizing....Such is the nature of the public/internet, I guess...
It feels like when Grace discovered that Dahlia was taking pills again, she would have tried to physically take her to rehab. Like actually trying to force her out of bed and to the clinic. It just seems jarring that Grace wouldn't even attempt something like that. Though maybe it's that I don't know what the character is supposed to be like yet.
Overall, I'm really fond of Grace. I identify a lot with her line of thinking, even if I've never been anywhere near her situations before. I really like where this is going.
As for Julie the whole kid genius thing isn't exactly new. I feel at best she could be cute and decent comedy relief, or at worst she could be distracting, and possibly annoying. Since the rest of the show is so dark and, for animated sitcom standards, "realistic", having such a decidedly unrealistic character/element to the show feels odd, to me at least.
Maybe this is just me though, maybe it's just too dark and peachy for my tastes in comedy.
From this episode it certainly seems like Julie is the comic relief to keep the show from getting too heavy.
The only thing I would add is girls not understanding the pain of it and making fun of the fact. I bring this up because I've found that girls can be far more cruel with the matter because they don't have a point of reference. When boys do it to each other, they know what happens to the victim, but girls are like "oh come on, if I punch you in the shoulder you barely notice, you're just playing it up, it can't hurt that bad."
-The incident where Oscar was kicked had no build up and felt like you rushed it to get to the meat of the episode going.
-That part with the woman drinking the punch felt out of place. (also how does Julie know what getting kicked in the nuts feel like?)
-The comedy that you went for was hit and miss, and I feel its mainly because there is no build up, and because as soon as a joke is said its not referenced in any way. Characters should react to other peoples nonsense more.
-Oxycontin has the effect of making one sleepy and feel like they're in a dream, so some of the lines like "It helps with my art" not work, that's more along the line of cocaine. Also, the part with weed doesn't make that sharp of an impact as I'd imagine you want it to be, this is mainly because of how many people are for its legalization.
-The Coach seems entirely unrealistic, and the expulsion of Barry probably wouldn't be broadcasted across the intercom in real life (it also happened pretty quickly), that part should be spread through word of mouth, with the big confrontation should have been from something like him being jumped by Barry's friends after school or something.
-By reading the script it didn't feel like it would fill 22 mins.
-To fix these issues I would do more research on Oxycontin abuse, add more build up into Oscar actually getting his injury (this could be used to fill up the empty time), as well as perhaps beefing out the dead hamster plot thread.
-You could also break this into a two part episode with part one leading up to the fateful kick, and part two being the recovery, same with Dahlia's overdose.
-A suggestion to the lead up to the kick could be that Barry was jealous of Oscars soccer prowess, so he takes him down a notch with the kick.
-Keep that mud-slappin'-
The storyline with Grace and Dahlia is... an interesting one. I will agree that in most cases of addiction being portrayed in the media, the situation is solved too easily. But I'm not sure that the solution is really 'wait for them to decide they want to stop'. That's the big problem with addiction; in most cases people never get to that point (although I am glad that you addressed that in the episode). I can see a lot of people getting offended by the overall message of this story.
I kind of wish you had left the ending to that particular storyline ambiguous. I mean, you kind of did, but I think it would be more interesting if you didn't have that scene at the end, not answering the question of whether or not Dahlia sought help. It felt like you slapped that scene on the end for the sake of a happy ending, much like the 'Disney deaths' that you criticised in this very episode. Like I said earlier, in many cases the addict won't seek help, so maybe an ambiguous ending would better reflect the issue.
Finally, there's Julies short arc about bringing people (and pets, in this case) back to life. I feel like this deconstruction is nowhere near as effective as the previous two. Why? Because the audience knows Julie is wrong from the very beginning. Annabelle immediately points out that Mr. Snuggles won't come back to life because reality doesn't work that way. You preached your morals too early. I could easily tell that Julie's efforts would be in vain and she wouldn't bring the hamster to life, and that's exactly what happened. You tried to play it for laughs, but truth be told I didn't find it funny. If you really wanted to effectively deconstruct this cliche, you'd need the audience to genuinely believe that the hamster would be brought back to life by the end of the episode. Then when it doesn't happen, explain why it's a stupid cliche.
Overall though, it's a good episode. Worth reading for the Oscar portion alone. The Grace portion is good too, but the Julie portion I think really needs some work. Well, I wrote waaaaay more than I thought I would, but I hope this was helpful.
The fourth-wall-breaking is really out-of-place. FYI I'm referring to this line:
"Oh is that all? Mr. Snuggles should be fine by the end of the episode then."
Maybe it just slipped by you, but I thought it was especially odd considering there wasn't anything of the sort anywhere else in this episode, or in the pilot as far as I remember.
The gag with the woman in the waiting room doesn't really work, in my opinion. The woman has no reason to find the removal of a testicle funny. Seriously, she has no other information other than there's a boy having his testicle removed. That's not funny, at least not to someone that doesn't know Oscar personally. What Julie says after the scene takes place is kind of funny:
"Well, you're not supposed to kick them, and if you don't they usually feel fine."
...but it's kind of weird for her to say that considering she... *ahem* has no experience... with, uh... the subject. Yeah.
The scene where Jack tells Oscar about the operation sounds really neat. Can't wait to see it animated and put to music.
Just an idea, but all the bad puns before each kid gets kicked in the crotch could be turned into a joke by having a third pair of kids:
Kid 1: "Hey, hey, bro. Name a sport where you kick a ball with your feet."
Kid 2: "Uhhh... soccer?"
Kid 1: *beat* "DAMMIT!"
The whole running gag where the principal is afraid of being sued is used a little too often. Although I will admit that it's probably all a real principal would care about in such a situation.
Out of all the ways Julie tried to bring Mr. Snuggles to life, I'm surprised she didn't try a satanic ritual. It just seems like the Julie thing to do.
Annabelle: Julie, have you been painting on the walls again?"
OH GOD. I just thought of a really, really dark scenario in which Julie kills someone and scribbles on the wall with their blood. What a colourful imagination I have.
The kid who hands Oscar the 'gift', is it fully wrapped and everything? Because no kid would go to that much effort to make a joke.
Seriously though, Oscar's speech at the end has so many great lines in it.
"No, instead coach tells me to 'man up' and of all ironies, it needs to get removed. You see, I know what the word irony means because the school thought it was more important to teach me that than proper health care!"
"I can’t win with you coach, can I? I took my injury 'like a man.' I took my surgery 'like a man'. I even took my bullying 'like a man', and the only time you don’t want me to 'be a man' is when it comes to standing up to you."
I'm honestly not sure how you plan to convey everything in the ending scene without dialogue. The coach getting fired, the principal getting sued, another boy telling Oscar about his own testicular torsion... that's going to be tough to communicate non-verbally, especially with that last one.
Abuse/Rape is Okay if its Female on Male
A part of me wishes that Grace got to interact more with Oscar. He gets verbally beat around by an authority figure which makes his problems worse, and that a big issue that Grace needs to work with since she tends to confront authority figures if she has the slightest reason to believe they're harming others.
As for Grace and Dahlia's story, it's good, if sped up. I was a bit bummed that Dahlia's realization that she had a problem and needed didn't happen on screen or her making up with Grace, although the scene where Grace takes her to rehab was nice.
I like the plot line you wrote. I really like that you’re posting some of the episodes in here. It generates interest. It’s the reason the first isaldor book won in the poll. Taking into consideration that you want to keep this from being completely depressing, some ideas and suggestions have come to my mind in the next few paragraphs, although they come laden with criticisms, so reader’s discretion is adviced. I’ll go sub-plot by sub-plot.
I like how Julie’s plot went. She is a five year old, so she probably still doesn’t grasp that those movies are just movies or the finality of death, however it resolved with her realizing the latter and building a robot version of Mr. Snuggles and I think either Claire will use this against her somewhere down the line or Julie is going to realize that its just a programmable doll, that looks like Mr. Snuggles but can’t act like him because she didn’t record Mr. Snuggles set of behaviors. (or make an army of robot hamsters to terrorize claire.) In short this is probably going to get a follow up.
I like the message of Oscar’s plot, but ending on Donovan getting fired, still spouting his bullshit only happened because Oscar stood up causing the chain reaction that led to it. I can say from personal experience that the less self-worth and self-esteem the less likely you are to stand up, and I know for a fact that the more bullied you get, the less you have of it. although this, while believable, you’d need a certain set of circumstances for this outcome.
By the way is Donovan supposed to be sociopath? If not, then why not have Donovan say the same things he said during the first meeting in the principal’s office, but have his views get challenged by proof of the testicular torsion and as a result his beliefs change and go from negligent to not-so-negligent and remorseful, enough so that he goes from antagonist to ally for Oscar, but not before he keeps the bullshit up during the meeting in the principal’s office suffers a bit of consequence, get replaced and we get a different but just as negligent (if not worse) coach to contrast the newly-changed Donovan (the bully still gets expelled though). And Oscar, thanks to Claire causing his trust issues, puts up some resistance but changes his mind once he has a moment in which Donovan proves he really is trying to help him and with some support from his family and Annabelle he manages to gain and muster up the courage to deliver the Aesop and lead to the aforementioned chain reaction.
Similarly I like Grace’s Aesop. However the deconstruction is unsuccessful because the functional part of functional addict isn’t written. We know Dahlia has a justified reason to take oxycodone, however we never se her function. We never her on her day to day basis, we never see what happens when she doesn’t take it for too long. All we see of her is being OD’d every time she is on screen (I’ve heard of studies saying that giving pure medical heroin prescription to heroin addicts left them more functional than those that were given methadone. Although this isn’t the page where I’ve heard that, for a page with information on drugs in general I’d recommend the web page, Erowid.org).
Now granted this might have had worked if Dahlia started out functional and then became non-functional over time (depending on whether you want the episodes to be watched in order or in disorder this may or may not have been referenced in previous unreleased episodes and was in this one were it came to a head.) Thanks to a variety of factors; namely her problems with worthlessness (“Grace, I don’t have a life to throw away.”) which probably existed before she began taking drugs (“Dahlia has been smoking pot since she was 13 years old, could start and stop at any time.”), once she began, that became her preferred method of coping and never learned how to manage her drugs. The car crash that crippled her spine (“that car crash did some real damage on my spine”) just gave her an excuse absolutely nobody could argue against. That combined with her preexisting problems, and the very good possibility (key word here being: possibility) that it wasn’t the doctor’s duty to educate her about the drug and it was the pharmacologist’s (It is? I don’t know. I may or may not look this one up).
I want to know who is this sub-plot about? Is it about Grace realizing that she can’t force people to improve and that it doesn’t happen immediately? Or is it about Dahlia making a decision to save herself? From what I can tell from what i've read, the trajectory seems to be trying to get both of those outcomes to happen.
Well how about leaving the part where it becomes clear to Dahlia that she has a problem for another episode, her parents notice that they lost a lot of money, find Dahlia out, and force her into rehab, showing that it isn’t working; not because she has a bad counselor or therapist (not that that can’t be a reason. By the way, what does rehab use?), but because she isn’t letting the staff in on her problems with worthlessness and possibly emptiness, which motivated her into getting addicted in the first place and there’s the problem that doing so may require some kind of changes in her plan for recovery, but eventually she does get help and improve.
How about having Grace do exactly what she did in this version but instead of making Grace realize that she has a problem it instead ends up giving Dahlia more confirmation for her already pre-existing belief about herself (which was ironically caused by telling grace what she thought. Now, isn’t that a self-fulfilling prophecy?) and consequently making her addiction worse, until Dahlia realizes what’s going on, gives an impassioned speech to Grace about how what she’s doing isn’t helping and that she has done more progress in therapy with her own hands than with Grace’s help and delivers the Aesop instead of Ralph. however it may or may not destroy her friendship with Grace, assuming it wasn't destroyed by then.
The last bit would be understandable because Grace is not a therapist equipped to deal with these issues, she has issues of her own, and of course has no idea of how to help meaningfully or has ideas but it only ends up causing more damage. I mean, really, does a line like “You’ve already decided that you’re worth abandoning.” sound like the stuff that would induce a change in anybody?
I hope I was helpful. I’m out of steam for now.
So if Dahlia goes from a highschool drop out who smokes pot to a highschool drop out who takes oxycodone then has taking oxycodone made her any less functional? If no then the deconstruction has failed because being an addict didn't change her for the worse. I wouldn't count needing money to buy oxycodone as being less functional because Dahlia would need money to buy pot, and Grace was the one who told her to get rid of her oxycodone which resulted in her needing to buy more.
UPDATE: just reread the pilot and character profiles. As Oscar is meant to be 12 and highly withdrawn it seems unlikely that he would actually confront the coach about anything; especially not in public. He seems more like the type of person who would pretend to be ill so he didn't have to go back to school, in other words someone who runs from his problems rather than confronts them. By contrast Grace is more aggression so she seems more like the type of person who would confront the coach.
also there is the question of just how long she's had this addiction, how high of a dose she needs to get a high (turns out the body usually moves the goal posts on this one, although I'm not sure if this only applies when getting a high or if it also applies for treating something else) and whether she is going to get withdrawal symptoms (It's when the body gets physically sick from not taking a dose from any drug for too long. how severe and what symptoms, varies from drug to drug.) if she doesn't take the drug, and also of how often and how much of the drug she buys, and whether the drug instantly makes her addicted or not (when it isn't instantly, chances are she's probably going to think that there is no reason to think it's going to blow up in her face, resulting in her letting it get out of control, and by the time she knows what hit her, well getting out just got even harder).
You raise some good points about withdrawal symptoms. As OxyContin is an opiate it can be difficult to break an addiction to it, so advising someone to go cold turkey (stop taking the drug) is most likely very bad advice. Especially if they're in constant pain and need to take painkillers.
Also I hope the teachers get to appear more in the episode, because their characters in a cruel place such as High School (or middle school. Cultural differences.) is something that interests me.
I also must say, I really emphathized with Oscar this episode, since I actually got kicked in the groin around middle school. While it was no where near as bad, or serious, as Oscar's problem, it still brought up bad memories and was painful to watch.
Also, would you consider reconstructing cliché throughout this series? For all their flaws, in what ways do you believe they could work better?